If I Could Talk To The Animals

I have been watching way too many KDramas lately. I'm like hitting peak usage. I'm bound to overdose.

It's a surrogate for personal romance. I downloaded the Bumble app again a week or so ago, but I have not brought myself to actually speak to anyone. I can still see the people that already liked me, and I think a few of them are attractive, but I can't force myself to be interesting. Or mysterious. Or unique. I don't know what method will bring me love. The romance in front of me is a sure thing. It will be intense. It will be sweetened by a personal history of suffering on both sides. It will be honest and deep. I cannot assume the same of any relationship I enter into.

I hit another milestone, though! This morning I put air in my own tires. It was a great accomplishment for me- it wasn't something I was taught when I started driving. When I got my own car there was a very nice guy I worked with who helped me air up my tires a few times. He was lovely, and he made furniture. Before the Supreme court passed it's ruling on gay marriage he and his husband went to Illinois by train to get married. I don't know if they actually married in Illinois, this was a few years ago. I remember that he mentioned they would be visiting Chicago though. I miss him. When I quit that job we exchanged a few emails, but I am bad at sustaining relationships when I don't see people regularly. I never managed to convince him to go to brunch.

After that Myex would do it, or I would take it to the dealership. I had him teach me to do it before I left, but I didn't think it had stuck with me because I hadn't done it myself. It's the second point of distance in two weeks of not speaking. The first was my trip to the outlet mall. When I start watching the fall premieres that will be the third. The fourth will be when I find someone to regularly go to action films with.

Time and distance. They're so heavily associated with separation.

I'm also really excited by this milestone because of the unlocked level of capability. When I was first learning to drive a point was made to teach me to fuel the car because this was something my mother never did. I am not sure if it was because she couldn't or just didn't like to, but she has never put gas in her own car. I don't remember who taught me, though. I think it might have been my sister. She taught me to drive. I pulled her car onto a median and she taught me a three point turn. I don't think these were the same event.

I'm not drunk today. Just very sick. I think I mentioned that I wasn't feeling well, but I was trying not to give in. Much of the week was spent dizzy and in darkness trying to focus at my desk. I don't think I succeeded and now I look like an asshole. I need to get it together. I was taught to put gas in my car so that I could be independent.

If you're curious- the shows I am watching are: Uncontrollably Fond (which just finished and I didn't really like the ending of), Scarlet Heart Ryeo (which makes me want to sketch traditional clothing from around the world), Doctor Crush (which I haven't kept up with as devoutly as the others), Jealousy Incarnate (my favorite right now), Cinderella and the Four Knights (second favorite) and Ice Fantasy (which is the first Chinese drama I have ever watched).

I am balmy. My whole body is balmy. I have the air conditioner low but if I uncover myself I am still cold. It should be aiming for 80 degrees. It's conspiring to destroy me.


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