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I live my life comparatively. It used to be that I lived competitively. Once you recognize you're not competing on the same level it becomes comparative.

Neither way is healthy, but at least I had some pride before, I guess?

I'm out of my latest depression but I find myself in a world of listless confusion.

It's constant, but not agonizing. My existence is a dull migraine. I'm wearing my hair too tight.

The problem is that I don't know what I want. I've said this before- but really the problem is that I don't know what I want within the realm of what I can get. Is it enough to be two people, who were always afraid of being alone, relieving that loneliness a little? Comparatively, I didn't get to play house. I didn't get the same kind of manufactured romance that borders on ridiculous because of how close it is to the type of manufactured romance you'd see on TV. I didn't get any grand illusions- just a thin screen of reassurances hiding an i…

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