Problematic

I should be studying. This is a recurring theme. And an awareness that I never give credence. Or, perhaps, bearing on what I am doing. I did study. But not enough. I have a test on Monday that is very important. I thought I'd watch Destination Wedding. It was more than I could have hoped for, and still very problematic. So much so, that I can relate to Winona Ryder's character completely. I am so starved for a good adult rom-com that I'm willing to overlook a really horrendous male lead as long as he brings it home in the end. It's like if negging became a person became a movie. It's absolutely the kind of shit that I would have used 4 years into my 8 year relationship to justify putting up with a horrible dead-inside human being. The saccharine cynicism that broken narcissists can become something resembling whole when they're paired up, if they're pretty and witty. Or just talk very quickly. Every exchange is the kind of dead-pan cringe that soot

Let's write it out. We've been let down. Betrayed. We've been betraying ourselves. I can't help but think there are going to be shown tomorrow that young voters didn't make it out as much as we hoped. Latinos voted for Republicans despite the hateful rhetoric of their leader, and most of them directly. Women voted for people who don't understand our reproductive system. For people who claim transwomen are going to assault us in the bathroom. We made a man indicted for fraud our attorney general again... So where do things go? What do you want, Texas? Is this really who we want to be? It's comforting to think that maybe this is a simulation. This is my own personal hell. It's time to abandon the angry hurt whiteness of Texas, if I can. If this isn't beyond my control. No one can ever convince me that reality would be so warped as to allow Nazis in the street again. That someone who lies daily is so strongly supported. Never get your hope