Problematic

 A list of things I care about: 1. AI not making anything better for anyone who isn't already wealthy 2. Public schools 3. Cats 4. My home being an impossibly dirty hell of my own making I think my partner should be on this list, but sometimes I don't know how true that is. Or maybe it's just that I don't know how true it is that I care about him in a healthy way. I don't think caring about something should only be about the way that it makes you feel. Although, I guess that is why I care about my home being an impossibly dirty hell of my own making, so maybe that should also be off the list.  I think a lot about the definitions of things lately. What is the definition of caring versus the colloquial definition of caring? Do definitions matter as much as the common use of a word or phrase? Can we redefine things for ourselves without buy-in from other people? Is that what movements are? Any question now tends to spiral into a thousand little meaningless questions li...

 I'm turning 38 in less than two weeks and I have realized that I don't know who I am as a person. I bet if I went through all my old writing that would be a through line. Just a miserable person who doesn't know what they're doing. And maybe that's normal for a lot of people. Maybe there's not a lot distinctively wrong with that being the way someone lives if they're not actively making life worse for others. I watched Half Man recently and I was horrified - I thought right after watching it that I was not the intended audience. A story about repression and violence? A story about how masculinity and self hatred can eat away at a person and make them complex villains? It felt like the kind of thing that needed to be critical viewing for the men who are tuned into the manosphere - but as a queer person of color who identifies as nonbinary now, I shouldn't have had to watch two people be so cruel to each other. It's not like I thought it was bad art. ...