Problematic

 Love is Blind got crazy.  Spoilers for everything: If you haven't seen Saltburn, you should, if only to earn the last two minutes of Barry Keoghan dancing naked. It really is iconic. I have not been out dancing since before the PANDEMIC and MY ANXIETY IS HIGH. I mostly don't know how to be in public spaces. I am going out for a Saltburn emo disco. I better not see you there. My fervent hope is that because it has a $10 cover it will be slightly less crowded. I have planned an outfit I hope lives up to the spirit of scandal. Anyway, back on Love is Blind, I finally figured out these mostly square mostly white people are from North Carolina, which does make those facts make more sense. One of the things I hope to never forget was this guy telling his fiancee that if she "got out of shape" he would tell her to go to the gym. Unsurprisingly, this man did not say yes. I feel like she's going to take him back because she clearly has low self-esteem. I say this as game

 Love is Blind is what I am watching right now. It's scratching a morbid itch. I appreciate the neediness. I recognize it inside myself. The level of desperation that wants someone to choose them and also wants to have, potentially, the adoration of all Netflix subscribers. I remember the age I wanted to be famous. Sometimes I still dream of writing something so interesting and insightful I am catapulted into the spotlight as I assume Lena Dunham felt when she called herself the voice of our generation. Or whatever. Don't quote me on quoting her on that. I'm probably still at the age as well where I want someone to become obsessed with me. Yet, I'm also at an age where I feel deeply judgmental about this unhinged behavior in other people. I have a weird habit of repotting my plants without gardening gloves. So I have dirt under my nails. After getting ringworm from Little Gray Cat when she came inside, I realize that I am playing with ringworm fire. As with most things,

 Wow. It's been a really long time. I have 4 cats now. Still one boyfriend. 2 mostly virtual friends. 2 friends IRL, but at least 1 wants to leave. A job I possibly hate because I don't know where I fit in or how to be effective. It's probably been over a year since I had 5 friends. I grow more and more concerned that I cannot genuinely connect with the people I used to love. Even if we have similar political views we handle them in different ways. We have very different problems even though we're in ostensibly similar periods of life.  My life now is trapping and caring for community cats, and being equal parts over involved and flaking out on the community. Who even is the community? I think before the pandemic my friends were my community. I lived myopically. My vague sense of purpose to make things better in some undetermined way. I'd figure it out as I grew up, I guess. But now I am growing up, and the way to make a difference has never been so opaque. Around 1