Sea Change

I have never understood the title of that album, but I do really enjoy Beck. He seems like a nice guy.

I am entirely too excited by having ten views on a post. Entirely too excited.
I imagine one of my loved ones is just clicking it over and over again.
I'm also pretty excited that my Twitter account has followers with little check marks next to them. It's an all around great period for my social media-ing. Mostly because I have low expectations.

I am aware social media is unlikely to get me the career breaks I want. I am not sure how to get those beyond some kind of "networking," but I'll figure it out.

It feels like right now is a turning point. In my recent bout of "OMG WHY?!" I took some head-space to look for a bigger sense of purpose. COMEDY! no longer seemed like a good answer, though absurdism and sarcasm will remain my primary forms of communication, so I have settled on "positive change." It's something that has been building up-

For a really long time I kind of assumed I couldn't live the way that I wanted to. I am not sure why, it just occurred to me at some point that not everyone does and I was probably one of those people. I found my interactions with people to be pretty disappointing as well, and I assumed this was negative. My new theory, however, is that this just kind of proves how highly I regard people. I've been assuming things should go well, people will be kind, and everyone wants to help each other. I still feel this way and I am still being disappointed. The important change is that I am now okay with voicing my disappointment in a more productive way. I want to create change and if I can't persuade the people around me to do good and nurture each other then I can probably find another place to be.

So my new goals are: to finish school, to work for Google, to write my sitcom, to perform some comedy (maybe), to collaborate, to volunteer with Austin Pets Alive! and to work for Planned Parenthood. I read somewhere that it is bad to state your goals around others- somehow it makes you less likely to accomplish them. I may be tempting fate this way but I wanted to share because my heart is filled with a happy panic. It still feels kind of awful and anxious-y, but there's an underlying warmth and optimism.

My boyfriend and I were discussing that the career goals (outside of the sitcom, I guess) were less likely because of how open I have been in my writing. (It's too sad, he says. I thought I was being funny.) I am optimistic in this as well: I think I may have assumed the worst of honesty and diving into it like this has been a relief. It would be one thing if my honesty were seething and malicious; I will admit that I am a hater but my haterade is sweet and filled with electrolytes.

Here's what I am digging on right now:
The expression "digging on" and this cover by Childish Gambino. I'm also in my KDrama cycle of TV intake. Bill Hader > Will Forte.

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