Problematic

I haven't been able to sketch lately, but at least I have been able to write, I suppose. I feel I should be reading more as well. I began reading The Stranger again, and that has been a slow trough through venomous mediocrity. I don't know if I get it. I'm also trying to read Mansfield Park but have had some trouble getting through the foreword. Perhaps I don't need to read it, but I have learned some interesting perspectives from forewords and so I inclined to preserver (a word I thought had an e at the end). I have started receiving mail at my new apartment. Packages. In my fridge there is eggs, kale, mushrooms, baby carrots, diet cherry Dr. Pepper, Le Croix, and hard cider (a special summer ginger flavor!) Of these things I have only used the Dr. Pepper and the Le Croix. Oh, and a Brita! I purchased that on my second day here. There's clothes, blankets and books strewn across the floor which makes the space feel comfortably snug. The bed on one end, open to a...

I envy people with focus. I was reading recently about innovation and how Einstein considered creativity to be like juggling concepts and true unique thought occurred when two balls that were of the greatest distance collided. I like this imagery- I like the idea of sparks in the collision. I fear that none of my balls ever touch each other. (Insert ultra-juvenile joke about balls touching.) But honestly, the more original voices I find the less my own voice sounds original. Perhaps it is rose tinted perception- we're all equally original. Everyone is interesting and worth a story even in their own mundane way. However, I'd be happier if I felt not as particularly mundane. I also like the idea of thoughts as juggling balls because it would explain my resistance to completing things. The juggling never stops. It's tiring. A break when two balls hit would be a welcome change of pace. Better than to keep the eye constantly spinning as it tracks the balls. I wish balls were...

I like to imagine this is just a terribly one-sided conversation. I'm kind of a selfish friend, so it works out pretty well. I like to think if you read this regularly we're just kind of coming together to hangout. Sometimes we may be drinking coffee, sometimes we may be drinking wine, who knows- the beverage options are endless! We chat for three to five minutes about things that range from John Oliver to the inane and then I disappear from your life for days to weeks at a time. POOF! My other desire, I have just now recognized, is for this blog to be one of the top search results when someone looks for John Oliver. And then the restraining order comes. I have pulled my GPA up in two semesters from a 1.7 to a 3.0. My youth was spent in self-medicated tears, so the 3.0 is a more accurate indicator of my capabilities. I'm a B as a person. Not particularly exceptional, but better than passing. I guess the 1.7 was pretty accurate too, I have been a mess. I'm just...