Turning 40
I'm turning 38 in less than two weeks and I have realized that I don't know who I am as a person. I bet if I went through all my old writing that would be a through line. Just a miserable person who doesn't know what they're doing. And maybe that's normal for a lot of people. Maybe there's not a lot distinctively wrong with that being the way someone lives if they're not actively making life worse for others. I watched Half Man recently and I was horrified - I thought right after watching it that I was not the intended audience. A story about repression and violence? A story about how masculinity and self hatred can eat away at a person and make them complex villains? It felt like the kind of thing that needed to be critical viewing for the men who are tuned into the manosphere - but as a queer person of color who identifies as nonbinary now, I shouldn't have had to watch two people be so cruel to each other. It's not like I thought it was bad art. ...