Sunday Candy

I don't know if you're aware of Chance the Rapper- I only recently got really into him myself. It started when I read a few articles about this new group of rappers that are also trying to be socially conscious and are publicly active in their communities and politics. Like they were leading their concerts out to vote, or in Chance's case meeting with the Mayor and buying out theaters so that people could see Get Out. Then Coloring Book was on Vulture's top 15 albums of 2016, which, in March of 2017, I am still trying to get through. I am about half way done. With the list. I finished Coloring Book and it was entirely deserving of a place on end-of-year recaps. Then, most recently, I heard him on Wait Wait Don't Tell Me on NPR, and it was brilliant. He was so witty. They classified him as "good boy rap" and I don't know if that's entirely true, but he does seem like a genuinely cool person. And he can dance! It's probably one of my favorite things about his videos...unfortunately I couldn't find a good embed of Sunday Candy which is my new obsession since the NPR guest spot.

I also realized, after another day of rain, that I left a critical type out of my extended metaphor. The kind of rain you sleep to. I think, outside of the warm hard rain, I like this one most of all. It's like 2 years into a relationship, when you feel comfortable staying in and napping. It's a polite reminder that everything you need is at home, but it's not trying to strong-arm you. You can go out if you want. But wouldn't it feel better ordering in and catching up on movies on Amazon? "Yeah, you know it." whispers the rain as it dims the lights.

And that is all my feelings on the different types of rain and different types of people. And rain people.

I'm still waking up at odd hours to be productive, but I have not taken my medication yet today so I feel a little groggy. I think it's just bringing out the mania a little more, where I used to fall a little harder on the depression. I don't know if this is a good thing, but I am going to roll with it for a bit and see where it goes. At the very least I have been getting things done, as I mentioned. I wrote a song. Ish. I've been cleaning every day and caught up on my laundry. Most critically, I put away my laundry. That's the hardest part, ask anybody.

I have realized, however, that I do not do well with physical things. I leave books upside down in the bathroom to the page that I last read, and drink coffee incorrectly in bed, spilling it on myself and my recently cleaned sheets. I'm just not as aware of my time in the physical space as much as my frequent visits into my headspace, so I forget how things work here. I neglect things. I eat too much when I'm not hungry. I pile things with a wanton disregard. I never have clean forks.

I'm not saying I am a great navigator of headspace, but I kind of know where things are up there. I have my old friends I can recognize- the depression and mania being the focus of my attention lately. I have my memories to comb out. I have the boxes of emotions I kick at sometimes. Knowledge I like to thumb through just to remind myself of interesting things I can mention in conversation. I prep for the physical world, I guess, but everyone in headspace knows that's not going to work out.

I think today I will try to paint. And hope it doesn't rain, it's too cold for it.


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