April Fool's

-
I'm all better! I've figured everything out! We did it, you guys.

-end scene-

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

All This Running Around, I've Never Found What I'm Running Toward

-
Image
 A list of things I care about: 1. AI not making anything better for anyone who isn't already wealthy 2. Public schools 3. Cats 4. My home being an impossibly dirty hell of my own making I think my partner should be on this list, but sometimes I don't know how true that is. Or maybe it's just that I don't know how true it is that I care about him in a healthy way. I don't think caring about something should only be about the way that it makes you feel. Although, I guess that is why I care about my home being an impossibly dirty hell of my own making, so maybe that should also be off the list.  I think a lot about the definitions of things lately. What is the definition of caring versus the colloquial definition of caring? Do definitions matter as much as the common use of a word or phrase? Can we redefine things for ourselves without buy-in from other people? Is that what movements are? Any question now tends to spiral into a thousand little meaningless questions li...
Read more

Turning 40

-
 I'm turning 38 in less than two weeks and I have realized that I don't know who I am as a person. I bet if I went through all my old writing that would be a through line. Just a miserable person who doesn't know what they're doing. And maybe that's normal for a lot of people. Maybe there's not a lot distinctively wrong with that being the way someone lives if they're not actively making life worse for others. I watched Half Man recently and I was horrified - I thought right after watching it that I was not the intended audience. A story about repression and violence? A story about how masculinity and self hatred can eat away at a person and make them complex villains? It felt like the kind of thing that needed to be critical viewing for the men who are tuned into the manosphere - but as a queer person of color who identifies as nonbinary now, I shouldn't have had to watch two people be so cruel to each other. It's not like I thought it was bad art. ...
Read more

i don't want you

-
"This is what I give you," he says, through a grimace of pain. "I give you this when I have nothing left. I do this. These fights, they're not for me...they're for you. This does nothing for me. This does not help me. I'm doing this for you." It's a gift that cuts. It's deep and my bones are exposed to the cold so I scream in return. I lash violently. I drag weapons out of reservoirs because I'm losing. I'll never get what I want. Just this stinging evil and the look of pain that accompanies it. All I want is love but I must not know the word because every time I reach for it this happens. He tells me he gives me this- his sorrow, as though it were something I could cherish and cradle. As though it must be what I want. It's the only thing I seem capable of pulling. It's where all conversation heads. So it must be what I want. It's not just that I'm lost in a thorny hedge-maze. This was my goal all along. Pain. Forever....
Read more