Problematic

I have 40 minutes before my discussion section and before the computer lab opens up so that I can print my assignment. So, I will probably be 15 minutes late to an hour long session. Hooray~! I did do this all rather last minute though, so I have only myself to blame. Myself and a system of oppression. I also don't have coffee money. But my boyfriend will be in town tonight and that's a small comfort. A very small comfort, but a comfort none the less. So~ I made promises. Which I followed up on. Then pretty promptly forgot. Actually~ neither of us really seems entirely sure why we started to hang out pretty exclusively all the time. The running theory is that I would hang out at their place at various intervals with his roommates in order to try to make myself a more well-rounded human being. A task I fail at every day, and did not do any better with when I was carrying out these experiments. We believe that when he was in town on the weekends he'd be around w...

Glasgow cont./Futile Devices I want to start with something more recent, then we'll skip back. It's a pretty annoying method of story telling that is kind of over-used. I know I'm tired of How To Get Away With Murder using it, although they have no other way of formatting that one- you know, because you gotta start with the murder they're eventually going to get away with. That's not the case here. This is not essential. I just like this moment the best, for all it's cheesy glory. It's the moment that properly convinced me I had every chance of succeeding in wearing Collin down to finally properly dating me. It's a very simple moment: Shortly after I initially reached out to him, after about an 8 year hiatus, one of us mentioned my manic pixie dream girl tendencies. You know I'm sort of annoyingly the type: I worked at a pet store, I sometimes dream of running a quirky bakery, I jump into fountains and generally chase experiences. The biggest i...

Everything Reminds Me of Her I am trying to make this our song. Perhaps not our song, so much as a song that reminds him of me. It is a very obvious joke. We are, in retrospect, a very obvious couple. I have a few songs for a few people: I have dedicated C'mere by Interpol more than once to Issa. It accurately described in part the devastation I felt when she married Bren and could no longer be mine alone. Ryan and I have agreed that Too Much by Carly Rae Jepsen is the theme to all our visits together and this is something we relish. Let's Dance to Joy Division by The Wombats is a song for my favorite people from my favorite time that I wasn't clever enough to appreciate in the moment, much as I am not clever enough to appreciate the now...I don't know that this is something I will evolve from. Perhaps I have in a way. I do appreciate this and most other moments with my new-old boyfriend. And it's an unexpectedly unique feeling. Shortly after we started ...

Hi How Are You? (Please read with the same chirpy cadence as Contrapoints has been using lately.) I'm miserable, thanks for asking. My head is blank. My head is cluttered. I have a new appreciation for those canvases that are solid white and the value is in the time it took to paint a thousand thin layers over years with a different stroke and intention in each. My mind is cluttered with sheets of white noise. The level of transparency for any one of them is not the same, so tangled I stumble trying to avoid trampling things, treading where I shouldn't, certain I'm going to fall. Fail and fall. Fall and fail. The clutter won't make a good excuse. Does anything, really? It's been a very long time, it feels. I should use you more often- because using you feels much less draining than using anyone else. Anything else. It's a new year and so much has changed. So much is good. So much is better and easier and kinder. So much is clearer. So much is the same. A...