Problematic

I have been so wrapped up in trying to find a new job and other silly things I completely missed a deadline. I'm devastated. My soul collapsed upon itself when I realized how far behind in reading I am. Class was kind of the one thing going well. Here is the essay I threw together today that will probably not be accepted: Maya Lin Disappearing Bodies of Water Rosa Parks Circle People do not normally tie landscapes to their identity. The world is so vast that it is so easy to ignore; there is so much detail that it can seem impossible to take it all in. Maya Lin attempts to do this through her sculpture and monuments. Through the duality of taking the overwhelming scope of the world and giving focus to particular formations she ties not just her identity, as a child of immigrants growing up amongst rolling hills, but the Earth’s identity in with our identity as people who occupy this space. She explores the water formations that are diminishing around the globe and...

Today I was reminded of the awesomeness of this moment: I will miss you forever, Parks and Rec.  In my recent collapse of personal infrastructure (boyfriend, school, work, diet) I have not been able to address the devastation I experienced at reading that Hannibal has finally been cancelled. To be fair, it is amazing that they got 3 seasons. The show should not have survived this long on network television. I will discuss this at length when I can fully process how much I will miss it. Right now I am still holding out hope that it gets picked up by Netflix or Hulu or something (a la The Mindy Project and Community.) In other news it has been a historic day! Gay marriage was enforced across America. Gay weddings for everybody!! Consider the YouTube video as linked in celebration. My only disappointment in this is that I did not hear of any spontaneous parading around Austin that I could join in, and I work all day tomorrow so I couldn't celebrate in Houston. I never ge...

I got another A "paper."  I have a hard time determining when people's praise should be valid. Is this exciting because it really is an interesting take on things or do you just have a very shallow pool of competency to draw from? I assume most people who compliment me do so because their expectations are set pretty low. Here's my paper. It's a How-To. It's pretty juvenile. Judge away. Live Like an Artist (The Definitive Guide to Alienation In Your Early Twenties) If you have ever had the deep rooted desire to isolate yourself from friends and family you may need to seek counseling. In the event that counseling does not work, or you refuse to go, and are unsure of how to encourage detachment by your loved ones, I can help you with that.   Part One: Getting Attached Creating a cult of personality can be hard. I have found that it is easier to do when you are young. Other children are desperately looking to fit in and form bonds, which make...

Anxiety and suicidal thoughts are not a good combination. I mentioned, among other things, in my last post that I have been thinking about suicide a lot. And this is not new. Suicide was the topic of my writing class yesterday and I found myself very annoyed by the questions posited by my classmates. I didn't admit I am suicidal. There's a lot of stigma to being suicidal and just saying you are suicidal makes it seem like you just want attention. So I will admit to that now: I definitely want attention. I also detest the idea of attention. I am bothered by the notion that I am not hit on in public spaces like some of my friends- but I am very aware that I put off an unapproachable vibe. I do not want to be approached. I don't. But I do. I don't think this is anxiety. There are a lot of things that carry a stigma. I try to admit these parts of myself here because it's very public but still somewhat anonymous. I assume the majority of the people I know will neve...

It has been a week since my 27th birthday. I did not have any real celebration. I worked. And went to school. Since then I have lost half my department and come home to find my boyfriend trying to cheat on me. He assured me that he did not go through with it. With all of this going on I forgot that I had a birthday. I have a lot of school work, too, but in that I am at least getting As. I will have to look for a new job soon because everyone keeps quitting due to the mismanagement of the department and it is getting to be too much. I have been thinking of suicide a lot, as I tend to do, and it has only increased daily. I will probably go back on my medication so I can stop being such a drama queen. Here's a piece I wrote on identity for my art class- all my writing has been terrible but I am somehow doing well: Identity, like any abstract, has many different meanings and is taken differently by different people. I think it is a concept that is understood innately but is ha...

I turned 27 yesterday. It was terrible. I have eleven months to become successful and die a hero to other morbid little artists. In the meantime I have written a few terrible papers I will start sharing. Here is the first. The title is a joke about a terrible article I had to read in class: Is $10,000 Really Worth It? What insight do hypotheticals offer to the morality of those we pose them to? Is a greater understanding of human nature what we are looking for when we construct hypotheticals? I believe the intent of a question like “What would you do?” is as much to have the receiver question themselves as it is to gather information. As human beings we understand that our moral compass is largely set by the circumstances in which we were raised, and these inherent differences add intrigue to conversation. The answer to what I would do if an ATM mistakenly discharged $10,000 into my care is in part a coming of age story. Of course, I would immediately give it back. As...