I've Made A Lot Of Mistakes

To continue the theme of Sufjan Stevens lyrics as titles.

I have reconsidered the title of the sitcom and how it will run- but perhaps not to anyone's advantage. The new title I think will be "Derailed" Is that too close to Trainwrecked? I was thinking things over last night and realized there have probably been plenty of moments I would take back. One relationship in particular I would nullify for how completely it threw me off of my path. My life is basically Hindsight except there's far less white affluence involved. And attractive British people. I also hate the 90s.

I am currently sitting in a McDonalds waiting for my car to be serviced. My hands still smell like goat cheese from the quiche I made yesterday. I have washed them several times. The smell of the McDonalds is a hard one to put into words without coming off as bourgeois. And possibly racist. It's inside of a Walmart and is primarily occupied by Hispanic people, myself included. It's loud in here in a hushed, cafeteria way.

I am still obsessing over the fact that in 10 months I will be alone. I haven't cared for myself completely in such a long time. The concept is overwhelming. It will be me and the cats. It's heartbreaking to think that they will grow up without a father. It is even worse to consider that some day I may watch them die on my own.

I'm also acutely aware that I have hit my quota of bang-able strangers based on the statistical average in Texas. The average is 8- 10. I can no longer hook up with people I have not already hooked up with if I want to maintain that I am not, statistically, a complete hoe-bag. In this I am counting the strangers and encounters I cannot entirely remember, some of which were probably borderline sexual assault based on blood-alcohol levels, but I had an adventurous youth I will shamelessly not deny. The problem with the black-out drunk sex is that I can't remember names or faces so I cannot possibly find these partners to avoid adding to my number. I take solace in the fact that my urges for a career in television will likely drive me to NY or LA where I'm sure the average is higher.

I think that would make a fun rom-com. Woman desperately trying to avoid being labeled a slut, tries to initiate sex with all her previous sex partners, just to find her true love was someone she had never met before the start of the film, but who somehow found it interesting to follow her around while she bangs exes. I think that might already be a Katherine Heigl film, actually.


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