Masters of Nothing

I have been technically unemployed for 3 days. I have done absolutely nothing. Some writing. Mostly watching. I still miss Penny Dreadful, I ran through that way too fast.

Right now I am considering how to allow myself to be "goofy." Comedians are kind of goofy and I take myself way too seriously to be truly outrageous. Goofy just wasn't a big draw growing up. Nor was being opinionated. And it's really hard living alone so I kind of stifled both urges- although I guess the people I really enjoy being around are the people I feel I can be closest to myself with. Still there's always some kind of filter- I try to play to the crowd.

I have realized as an artist I heavily rely on others wanting to be a part of my world. If I can't convince a large group of people that I am worth taking interest in I will never be successful. I have gone out of my way to avoid feeling at the mercy of society for so long but I now see that isn't feasible unless I repress my desires, which I have also tried, and it just becomes further maddening. So I need to start networking. Which means I need to start being around people without feeling as though my head will come off if I dare to speak. The thing is- when I read articles by other comedians and artists and what-not, they all have their supportive communities that seem like lovely little havens for their oddity- often their obsessive nature in their field. Groups that seem tailored to enjoying the creative forces of each other.

Where does one find this? When I peered in on other artists growing up it was all very exclusive and competitive. There was no way to depend on others because you were too well aware of their deceits. I am so filled with envy and longing. It seems the easiest way would be to get into a comedy troupe but I am, beyond envy and longing, filled with fear. These posts are supposed to help with that to an extent. I'll have to take the plunge soon.

In other news- I am now watching Masters of Sex to further justify my desire to keep Showtime on Hulu. Penny Dreadful is enough to a degree- but I also feel guilty for seeing it that way. The next season is far off and 9 episodes so I probably shouldn't keep the subscription active past the trial if I don't find more shows to watch. Showtime has a surprisingly low number of original series.

Masters of Sex is fine so far- Lizzy Caplan is the best part of the show. Four episodes in I am concerned by her relationship with Dr. Haas and will have to stop watching the series if they somehow attempt to redeem him.

I also confirmed today that Sephora is starting a subscription service which is something I have been hoping they would do since I became disappointed by Birchbox. This means I will soon be cancelling my recent foray into ipsy- Sephora will always be my first beauty love. I feel I must show something loyalty and it's easier to be loyal to companies than people.

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