Today I Learned What a Broiler Is

I envy people with focus. I was reading recently about innovation and how Einstein considered creativity to be like juggling concepts and true unique thought occurred when two balls that were of the greatest distance collided. I like this imagery- I like the idea of sparks in the collision. I fear that none of my balls ever touch each other. (Insert ultra-juvenile joke about balls touching.) But honestly, the more original voices I find the less my own voice sounds original.

Perhaps it is rose tinted perception- we're all equally original. Everyone is interesting and worth a story even in their own mundane way. However, I'd be happier if I felt not as particularly mundane.

I also like the idea of thoughts as juggling balls because it would explain my resistance to completing things. The juggling never stops. It's tiring. A break when two balls hit would be a welcome change of pace. Better than to keep the eye constantly spinning as it tracks the balls. I wish balls were not a euphemism. Some words are tainted to the feeble minded.

This brings me to the other thing I have been worrying over lately- I have this terrible feeling that I am not as good at things as other people like to think. Compliments are hard to take.

I just finished Penny Dreadful and I am heartbroken that I have to wait many months to see what happens between Vanessa and Ethan. I am equally saddened that they chopped off Ethan's lovely hair. I would highly recommend the series- it is full of English charm. It's also filled with some rather subversive characters for a Victorian era drama. Josh Hartnett as Ethan is by far my favorite, however. I recently read this article at NY Mag that details how in female led comedy we are creating a new type of leading man. Someone who will deal with all our bullshit who isn't some sad, neck-bearded, mouth-breathing, nice guy. Ethan is a perfect example of this except he's also brooding, wounded, attractive and magical. He's perfect. But they cut his hair off, so now he is dead to me.

Which brings me to the other thing I recently watched: Difficult People. It's amazing. It's everything I aspire to be. It's things I'll probably never be brave enough to be. It has made me realize I need to convert to Judaism or I will never make it in comedy. I can't wait to see more of it. I'm sure there will be articles that use the same old buzz words about how it's fresh and new and "edgy"- which is like the worst way to describe anything ever- but it honestly feels like it deserves the over-used-cycle-of-words praise. I really need to read more, I'm sure there's a better term for that. Anyway, before I watched the premiere episodes I read an article at Vulture about how it is reminiscent of Seinfeld in the best way because it really commits to these characters. I understand that angle but I think Girls also commits to their characters and their characters are still overwhelmingly less likable. Anyway, watch it. It's a great time.

Finally there are two things stuck in my head. "We all walk alone" from the second season finale of Penny Dreadful and "when I'm fucked up I'm the real me" which is a lyric from The Weeknd. I think they most accurately represent my emotional state at the moment. Tomorrow I shall try to paint.


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