Feminism, School, Communication

So let me tell you a little bit about my problem with feminism.

I feel like I should throw this out there just to get the eye-rolling out of the way and as a qualifier for the rest of my post- I do not identify as a feminist. I don't know if I have addressed this earlier in the blog but I have a hard time identifying with anything. I think it's kind of a weird archaic idea to ask people to pick these things they believe they are and should behave as and use those identifiers to pigeon-hole them. I do believe in equality but I am really more of a misandrist  if you forced me to pick a concept because my favorite way to pick up guys is through insulting them. Negging works and it's terrible and humanity should do better (I should do better) but I probably won't stop because it's fun and efficient. It also sets a good precedent for the relationship because they can never say I ever pretended that I am not intentionally off-putting and prone to cutting into people. SO, I feel like even if I wanted to identify as feminist it would be bad for the team because I am the man-hating ilk that are commonly misrepresented as the poster of feminism.

That considered, I primarily refuse to identify as feminist because it is a very fractured movement. I also believe in income equality but I would never join Occupy Wall-Street because it's just lacking clear direction. If I'm going to jump on a band-wagon I would like to at least know where it's headed. Long and short- I do not consider myself a feminist, so color the following rant appropriately.

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I have recently had occasion to reconsider my stance as a feminist.

I know what you're thinking- "but what about that some-what lengthy/unnecessary rag on feminism up there?!?" To which I reply, "I completely stand by that, but----identifying as something, sadly, does make you part of a 'community' I suppose and there are things that I have seen recently that are really annoying and I want other people to agree with me. Ideally I want those people to help me try to change things, and maybe if I could direct a small sect of feminism at this it might work?"

And here I find reasons why feminism might be so divisive and divided: there's like a ton of things that are happening that kind of suck in small ways that are probably snow-balling into hurting people in big ways.

One of the hardest things is deciding how to interact with these problems....like if I talk about this to the people who are creating the problem are they even going to take me seriously? Will I get to continue to work on this project? Do I want to work on this project if this doesn't change? It's the kind of questions I have read young starlets dealing with recently that are coming to light more and more but it seems like just the knowledge that it is happening might not be enough.

I am trying to consider "WWSD" (What Would Shonda Do?) because Shondaland is like the creative girl's dream. Even if her heroines sometimes get into relationships that are annoying they are still strong self-sufficient and complex characters. Shonda Rhymes is a complex character. I know that at this point she would call a bitch out, she would kill a McDreamy, but I do not know if that is what she did her entire career... I've been trained through past experiences that it is unlikely someone can keep a career if they behave that way too soon, and that's part of the problem.

I'm choosing to believe that Shonda Rhymes did not stand for it when she saw female characters being tossed aside and made two-dimensional sad-sex objects. I'm choosing to believe that to an extent it is better to "live your truth". It's probably the one thing I'm going to take from the Interpersonal Communication class I'm being forced to take, and I am sure I'm misusing/misconstruing it in a sense- but my $60 textbook has been harping on how honest and positive communication should be the aim of every interaction so it is my aim. I am going to speak up. I'm going to tell people how I feel. I might call people out. I'm not sure how I will make that a positive interaction but I will work on that when I get there.

I feel like I have these tiny revelations sort of cyclically but maybe this time it will stick? Who knows, maybe my vaguely misogynistic textbook flavored with Shrek quotes will actually help me be a functioning human being. Even if not, I think I will feel better if I say more of the things I think out-loud. I guess that was kind of the point behind this blog anyway. I'll let you know how it goes.

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