New Fall Show Round-Up!

Now is the time!! I have watched all the new fall premieres (not including CBS, because fuck them) so you don't have to! (Unless you want to watch something on CBS, in which case you're not really my demographic anyway.)

Minority Report- Following the success of the winning combination of "attractive black female teaming up with awkward white guy" that has carried Sleepy Hallow through two seasons, Fox brings you Minority Report! Milo Ventimiglia adds some cheeky, if perhaps over-confident, charm to the cast and the show would be better served by using him more. It's not a terrible show, but I suspect it will be hard to keep afloat. Stark Sands isn't compelling enough as a tortured do-gooder to maintain interest in what motivates him. His bumbling is pretty annoying, too. Meagan Good toes the line between star and prop as her body (which is kept impressively tight) is pretty predominantly featured. The show is incredibly visually appealing, though it might rely a little too much on how cool technological advancements are -I personally am not impressed by the ability to wave your hands at screens to move things across them. I mean, touch pads can be hard enough to control sometimes, I can't imagine how frustrating developing large motion-sensing computers would be. 3/5 stars.

Blindspot- Another show kind of heavily focused on a woman's body, but one that gives her slightly more agency. Jaimie Alexander is doing a wonderful job of juxtaposing the inner turmoil of being uncertain of who she is with having the muscle memory of a badass. I do enjoy fight scenes in which women get the upper hand, though. I miss the better seasons of Alias. 4/5 stars.

Full disclosure- the rest of these were done after a few glasses of wine and a bag of popcorn for breakfast:

The Muppets- Crazy ex-girlfriend fat jokes!!! With puppets!!! The writers are trying just a little too hard to establish the hilarity of the concept of a bunch of puppets living a real life and "hahaha this is actually for grown ups!" 2/5 stars and likely what I will be hate watching.

The Grinder- Rob Lowe is adorable. This show is not the worst, in fact it is a lot better than one would have expected. Of all the shows that seem to be banking on the older actor being charming this is the best. 4/5 stars.

Grandfathered- Of all the shows banking on the older actor being charming this is the worst. No amount of 90s nostalgia, I do not hold in my heart, would make this a good show. It's just not. It's kind of a shame because John Stamos can be really charming and Paget Brewster has been doing really well in her transition into comedy. 2/5 stars.

Blood & Oil- That dude from Gossip Girl that got shoved to the side is back! And he is attempting the worst mid-western (?) "All American" accent of all time! If you are really into white people just trying to make it in a world where they kind of still have all the advantages - well there's still Nashville and that is honestly a much better show. 5/5 white people drama.

The Player- I'm not sure I understand the premise. I want to care, but it's just...meh. 1/5 because the concept is just too weird.

Quantico- Again, kind of boring. I don't really worry enough about terrorism to be engaged in this or Homeland, apparently. I understand that Priyanka Chopra is beautiful but they are juggling too many balls. Is it really the poor Indian girl who it clearly won't be?! Is it the intensely awkward gay guy?!?! Is it the blonde we would be led believe is a total airhead but for some reason communicates in a vaguely middle-eastern sounding language?!?!?! I DON'T CARE. 2/5, it would have been 3/5 but I hate the male lead's face.

Scream Queens- Perfect. 5/5 stars. Ryan Murphy understands what he does well and that is camp and horror- campy horror. The use of the Backstreet Boys in episode 2 was genius and this is definitely the best new show on right now.

Heroes Reborn- I haven't been able to make myself watch a second episode because the first was so bad. It's a lot like the original in that it's a little all over the place but is lacking in the attractive cast. It's honestly really what I should be hate-watching because it can only become increasingly encumbered by the weight of the original premise being fun but completely bungled. 1/5.

Best Time Ever- The middle ground of shows that are banking on your sense of nostalgia and the male lead being charming. It's like an absurdist America's Funniest Home Videos that maybe should have just been a really weird day-time TV venture. 2/5.

Rosewood- No. That dress was hideous and no. 1/5 stars.

So there you have it!! Now you know what new shows you should catch-up on, and it's shockingly few.


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