Run For Senate Ya Dicks
I was going to complain about talking to people on Bumble BFF and it's arguably worse to find yourself unable to carry on a dialogue with someone who is not trying to fuck you, but my air- conditioner is not working...so, being in Texas, specifically Houston, in the summer...this is obviously all I can think about.
I'm going to die here. This swamp is slowly creeping into my house through the cracks in the windows and the doors. This place is a hell-hole. I take back making any attempts at pretending this is a livable environment. This is the cusp of global warming, people. We're going to have to start making the Dakotas work, and you can blame your parents and grandparents for not giving a shit and forcing us all back to Iowa.
My brain is literally melting. It will soon resemble the swamp.
I need to move to Chicago. I can buy thicker blankets, I can't buy less sun. I could shoot it down though. I don't know if anyone has ever considered that as our answer to climate change. More air conditioners? Can someone hook up an extension cord so we can keep them going on the glaciers? Has anyone considered bringing food to the polar bears, btw? Like...I know we're all sad about them wasting away... but I have learned from several NPR spots I half listened to that scarcity is largely an imagined problem. Like, we have food and water- but we are also dicks. So, instead we're just like- "Hey! A landfill! I bet some shit I let go bad in my fridge would look good there!" but have we ever considered giving that food to a polar bear? Or the fridge for that matter? Maybe if we just shipped them fridges full of farmed salmon they'd be fine. Then they'd use their extra brain space to solve global warming because they no longer have to spend as much energy on just trying to survive. It's like solving the economic crisis in urban areas with brown people- except it's the whitest thing you can think of...so it'll probably get more traction.
Reparations for the polar bears, I say.
I'm considering chopping all my hair off. It's so hot. This is like...not even a full day of dealing with this by the way. It's 84 degrees in my house right now and I am considering chopping all my hair off and just sleeping in the shower with the water running all night. Fuck the fish. Fuck this hair.
Except it feels like kind of a suicide situation- like, cutting my hair is just a temporary solution to a permanent problem.
Being this city. And the polar bears.
I got chastised over the weekend for being glib about suicide. But, what else am I supposed to be glib about? I mean, I've really leaned into this whole bipolar, suicidal, poor, child-free, Hispanic college student persona. Although. The college student part doesn't sound entirely accurate even though it is...I feel like I need to work-shop that one. And a better personality. I don't know that I'm digging this one...I'm just recognizing right now that's what we're running with, so...I might as well make light of mental illness and suicide. Contrapoints told me I could!
I shouldn't blame Contrapoints. I love Contrapoints.
Anyway. The topic was A Star Is Born. In which Bradley Cooper makes Lady Gaga's career about himself by making a remake about a sad old rocker killing himself because his girlfriend got famous and outgrew him...and I guess that's like...not the whole thing? But...I mean. Come on. Even best case scenario it's a nuanced look at the struggles of dealing with depression while a rock star and killing yourself. That's like several documentaries and biographical dramas at this point. There's the one about Ian Curtis that taught me the best revenge is hanging yourself in your ex's breakfast area. (So...be aware of what to expect next dude that I fuck with.) There's a new documentary coming out about the guy from INXS. There's probably plenty of other dramas that aren't remakes of remakes that do the same thing, too. And, Bradley Cooper made a movie about a veteran that was shitty propaganda- he could have very easily gone back to make a nuanced film about veteran suicide because veterans do kill themselves at an alarmingly high rate. Sometimes just because they can't get treatment for other things. And, two things about that link. There's a tag of "Ashes to Ashes" which- holy fuck Daily Beast. AND, I had to Google "veteran burns self alive" because it was the most insanely tragic version of veteran suicide I had ever heard of- AND THIS IS NOT THE ONLY CASE. (Fuck you, America)
So, yeah, that would have been a better use of everyone's time I think. I just can't imagine that it was that nuanced, though. It probably included some type of emotional abuse. It definitely detracts from what could have been an okay movie about a commonly dumb trope of a pop-star IRL "finding their voice" a la Glitter and Crossroads. Or, maybe they would have done something not schmaltzy. Maybe she could have become some kind of queer icon or feminist hero like Lady Gaga herself plays with being on occasion. Or dealt with the very common problem of sexual assault in the music industry as people become stars! My point is, there were tons of pathways this could have gone, and instead of being a story about a woman succeeding, much like Beaches this is a story about someone tangential to them dying in a sad and distracting way. And, if you haven't seen Beaches, you should definitely not watch the remake. Stick to the original- which is a cautionary tale about not making friends with girls on the beach because they will get cancer and make you take their baby. It was a jarring but necessary lesson to learn.
I think I'm going to go clear some space in the freezer to store myself in until the morning now.
Also- there are too many ants. This is general statement.
Can we give them to the polar bears?
Also- convince all your friends to run for Senate, not the Presidency. I'm looking at you Beto and Julian.
I'm going to die here. This swamp is slowly creeping into my house through the cracks in the windows and the doors. This place is a hell-hole. I take back making any attempts at pretending this is a livable environment. This is the cusp of global warming, people. We're going to have to start making the Dakotas work, and you can blame your parents and grandparents for not giving a shit and forcing us all back to Iowa.
My brain is literally melting. It will soon resemble the swamp.
I need to move to Chicago. I can buy thicker blankets, I can't buy less sun. I could shoot it down though. I don't know if anyone has ever considered that as our answer to climate change. More air conditioners? Can someone hook up an extension cord so we can keep them going on the glaciers? Has anyone considered bringing food to the polar bears, btw? Like...I know we're all sad about them wasting away... but I have learned from several NPR spots I half listened to that scarcity is largely an imagined problem. Like, we have food and water- but we are also dicks. So, instead we're just like- "Hey! A landfill! I bet some shit I let go bad in my fridge would look good there!" but have we ever considered giving that food to a polar bear? Or the fridge for that matter? Maybe if we just shipped them fridges full of farmed salmon they'd be fine. Then they'd use their extra brain space to solve global warming because they no longer have to spend as much energy on just trying to survive. It's like solving the economic crisis in urban areas with brown people- except it's the whitest thing you can think of...so it'll probably get more traction.
Reparations for the polar bears, I say.
I'm considering chopping all my hair off. It's so hot. This is like...not even a full day of dealing with this by the way. It's 84 degrees in my house right now and I am considering chopping all my hair off and just sleeping in the shower with the water running all night. Fuck the fish. Fuck this hair.
Except it feels like kind of a suicide situation- like, cutting my hair is just a temporary solution to a permanent problem.
Being this city. And the polar bears.
I got chastised over the weekend for being glib about suicide. But, what else am I supposed to be glib about? I mean, I've really leaned into this whole bipolar, suicidal, poor, child-free, Hispanic college student persona. Although. The college student part doesn't sound entirely accurate even though it is...I feel like I need to work-shop that one. And a better personality. I don't know that I'm digging this one...I'm just recognizing right now that's what we're running with, so...I might as well make light of mental illness and suicide. Contrapoints told me I could!
I shouldn't blame Contrapoints. I love Contrapoints.
Anyway. The topic was A Star Is Born. In which Bradley Cooper makes Lady Gaga's career about himself by making a remake about a sad old rocker killing himself because his girlfriend got famous and outgrew him...and I guess that's like...not the whole thing? But...I mean. Come on. Even best case scenario it's a nuanced look at the struggles of dealing with depression while a rock star and killing yourself. That's like several documentaries and biographical dramas at this point. There's the one about Ian Curtis that taught me the best revenge is hanging yourself in your ex's breakfast area. (So...be aware of what to expect next dude that I fuck with.) There's a new documentary coming out about the guy from INXS. There's probably plenty of other dramas that aren't remakes of remakes that do the same thing, too. And, Bradley Cooper made a movie about a veteran that was shitty propaganda- he could have very easily gone back to make a nuanced film about veteran suicide because veterans do kill themselves at an alarmingly high rate. Sometimes just because they can't get treatment for other things. And, two things about that link. There's a tag of "Ashes to Ashes" which- holy fuck Daily Beast. AND, I had to Google "veteran burns self alive" because it was the most insanely tragic version of veteran suicide I had ever heard of- AND THIS IS NOT THE ONLY CASE. (Fuck you, America)
So, yeah, that would have been a better use of everyone's time I think. I just can't imagine that it was that nuanced, though. It probably included some type of emotional abuse. It definitely detracts from what could have been an okay movie about a commonly dumb trope of a pop-star IRL "finding their voice" a la Glitter and Crossroads. Or, maybe they would have done something not schmaltzy. Maybe she could have become some kind of queer icon or feminist hero like Lady Gaga herself plays with being on occasion. Or dealt with the very common problem of sexual assault in the music industry as people become stars! My point is, there were tons of pathways this could have gone, and instead of being a story about a woman succeeding, much like Beaches this is a story about someone tangential to them dying in a sad and distracting way. And, if you haven't seen Beaches, you should definitely not watch the remake. Stick to the original- which is a cautionary tale about not making friends with girls on the beach because they will get cancer and make you take their baby. It was a jarring but necessary lesson to learn.
I think I'm going to go clear some space in the freezer to store myself in until the morning now.
Also- there are too many ants. This is general statement.
Can we give them to the polar bears?
Also- convince all your friends to run for Senate, not the Presidency. I'm looking at you Beto and Julian.
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