How To Make It In Show Business

Today's problems: I have more garbage in my fridge than real food and I cannot help but still feel a bunch of "feels" when I see a commercial for A Dog's Purpose. Or whatever that case subject for irony movie is called. Of course, one of those "feels" is totally disgust, although I haven't actually seen the video of the animal abuse because I can't make myself watch that kind of thing. I've never been the "faces of death" type. As curious as I am. There are some things I don't want to know.

I've also realized that I do not need something to compulsively divulge my every thought to. #alternativefacts

I am watching Meltdown with Jonah and Kumail. I have been blowing through a lot of media lately.

Did I tell you about The Good Place? It ended up being surprisingly very good, and surprising! The ending was a completely unexpected twist and I do not know where they will go with it for another season, but I WANT TO SEE. You regular TV viewers better not fuck this up for me like you did Selfie and Hannibal. I say as though there's any weight behind that threat.

Other things I have been binging:

Star- On Fox, the follow-up from the creator of Empire that is similar but completely different from Empire conceptually. It approaches the music industry from the opposite direction, I suppose. Through the ascent to prosperity, not the management of it. The part that I really enjoy is that it's so much more like a musical! It's got these great cut away scenes that are so fantastic. It's all bright and shiny and song- like the hip-hop hood version of a La La Land TV adaptation. You know, because it's all music and stardom.

Wasted- An English comedy I found on Hulu that is mostly dry bleak British humour but also a tiny bit a twee-rom-com. It had an amazing sequence in the second episode about the Booming Voice of Self Doubt that is probably the most real thing I have ever seen.

-pause-

I thought I would make myself a snack because I have not been cooking. I am pretty sure it's burning.

-returned-

It was not burning...but it also doesn't seem to be cooking? I had an idea a few days ago when I purchased a loaf of french bread, because I had an excuse to carboload before the half marathon I did, that I sould eventually use the disgusting shell that holds the soft delicious insides of the french bread to make an egg-boat. I have since begun this major undertaking by throwing some refried beans with tomatoes and jalapeno into the sad, dry bread shell and cracking some eggs over the mess. It's been about 15 minutes at 350 degrees and the eggs are no where closer to being cooked from what I can tell. Maybe the oven isn't working and I will slowly perish from the electric fumes that are leaking out.

I used to think that Sylvia Plath baked her head.

I did not realize until much too late in life that people died from putting their heads in the oven because they gassed themselves. I thought that it was a hella brutal way to go- a very committed way to go- by baking your brains.

The last thing that I have been watching lately is Emerald City. Which I think is really just like "HOW MANY BLEAK TWISTS CAN WE CRAM IN" the show- and the all caps is not a mistake, I genuinely think that when they enter the writers room it's a bunch of very misguided people shouting very bad and not interesting ideas at each other as loudly as possible. That's what it feels like when you are watching it. The show is just screaming "I DON'T KNOW WHERE I'M GOING WITH THIS" at you and you just have to feel for it- because do any of us know where we were going with this? I fucking don't.

I did recently realize, though, that I should probably be more positive about how my interactions with dudes go...because to be honest- the dudes have not been great. Like, I'm not a catch- but I'm still probably better off. Whether because the guy was clearly going to get arrested at some point, or just a general lack of emotional maturity, sociability and ambition, they just have not been a proper fit...and yet- I'm an idiot, so the door is probably still open for any one of them. And I should be slightly grateful I'm so off-puttingly crazy that they don't take me up on the offer. And kind of fat.

Oh no- this has gotten dark.

BUT! I took my medication for 4 STRAIGHT DAYS. So- soon- ALL MY PROBLEMS WILL BE SOLVED.

So go watch this clip of Maria Bamford doing what I want to do and explaining a bit about the magic of romance that plagues my every waking moment.

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