A Musing

Spring break is officially in full swing because I am incredibly hungover.

I should not pour my own drinks.

Before making my way to Houston last night I did something I have not done since the beginning of this blog; partially out of fear, partially out of laziness. I finally read a few of my posts and, beyond the fact that they were slightly more coherent than I expected, I realized I had unintentionally been capturing a glimpse at my increasing depression.

I had assumed I was getting better: writing is supposed to be cathartic, after all. I guess that is an interesting, if not over-done, twist. It's becoming common for the protagonist to realize, shortly after the audience, that they have a bigger problem than they were willing to admit. I suppose, once again, I am following the trend.

This brings me to a few soap-boxes.

Aside from coming to terms with my current state of mind, I have also taken stock of my niche in the running narratives of life. Everyone has a story, and they all probably deserve to be heard, but it is far more likely a story will contribute to furthering society if it addresses the plight of a specific audience to make it relatable to a larger scale. Or at least that is my view of what makes a good story. There are many similar perspectives, and stories that reiterate common themes, but in the modern world it is easy for a genre to become over-saturated because of the sheer number of voices wanting to be heard. With this in mind I am reevaluating my place as a depressed woman of color. I think there has been a turning point for the representation of women, mental illness, and people of color, that is raising the bar for which stories deserve to be told. Over all this is great! It's really refreshing to be able to turn on a television and see much more nuanced depictions of people who are similar to myself. However, this also means that the market is shrinking. The supply outweighs the demand in an area where the demand was never terribly high. It's becoming widely accepted that comedians are sad. The sad clown trope has reemerged with a vigor! We are all sad sad clowns coping with faulty brains that create a mine field of emotions. With this revelation I think the largest part of my niche has been removed. My only hope on a fresh new perspective now is the fact that I took an obnoxiously long time to deal with college and came from a poor background. Most of the artists I looked into were comfortably middle-class if not from a line of artistic royalty. So I guess there is some hope, for now.

On Bernie Sanders
I am racked with guilt over finding Bernie more appealing as a candidate than Hillary. I do feel a slight obligation to vote with my vagina because that whole system is probably the most complex part of my body and a great source of torment and malaise. My ovaries are causing me a lot of grief right now, but that's for a separate post, probably. I think my largest problem so far is the sheer amount of contempt Bernthusiasts have for anyone that does not side with them. Their rhetoric is so close to that of a Trump supporter it's alarming. I was out last night and encountered one, who went off on some tangent about how Bernie is being sabotaged by the mainstream news sources, and one of the first things he said was "Bernie is not a politician, he's authentic." The idea that Trump is being strung up by liberal media and he is great because he is not a politician is problematic thinking and it's weird to see it mirrored by Bernie's most vocal champions. The best thing about President Obama has been his grace and diplomacy- it's just not a good look to go into everything screaming and unwilling to compromise. Of course, in the case of Trump that's clearly not true, the guy is hella wishy-washy. Bernie does not seem to be as likely to falter on his political stances. The good thing is that a lot of his stances seem very well-meaning. As I mentioned, because I tend to be extremely liberal, I do support Bernie over Hillary but some of his worst supporters are making me uncomfortable.

I also, with the authority of my two introductory economics courses, have come to the conclusion that trade is not a terrible thing for the economy. Yes, it can lead to industries that are the backbone of certain communities moving out of those communities and making things bad, but if there were a larger focus on education and innovation that movement would be less devastating.

On Girls
The second thing I have opinions on that people in my age group, I think you call us Millennials, seem to love is Girls, the Lena Dunham led comedy that is coming to a close this year. In a way I am sorry to see it go. It's on the top of its game. It's been heralded as a fresh take on life as a twenty-something. A daring look into coming of age as a woman. It's breaking the glass ceiling!

All I can think is: Is this really what we wanted to break into?

I am all for flawed anti-heroes. I love How to Get Away With Murder. But did I really want to have someone carve out a place for us in the pretentious-creative-douche-who-thinks-they-deserve-the-world genre? To begin with, the world of creatives is not a break-through field to see women evolve in. I might have been slightly more open to the premise of annoying twenty-somethings taking on the world if they were in STEM.

I have been told that my generation has their voice- a fresh, feminist, body positive, sex positive voice to be proud of- but all of this praise has me feeling more on the sidelines. The show has never felt inclusive. It's a narrow world view of a familiar female archetype portrayed by a white woman written in a position of economic privilege. So I am sad to see it go and be credited as a wave of change because I can't fathom it inspiring anything more inclusive and familiar...I guess that leaves me a niche?


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