Suffocating

It has been a week since my 27th birthday. I did not have any real celebration.
I worked. And went to school.
Since then I have lost half my department and come home to find my boyfriend trying to cheat on me. He assured me that he did not go through with it.
With all of this going on I forgot that I had a birthday. I have a lot of school work, too, but in that I am at least getting As.
I will have to look for a new job soon because everyone keeps quitting due to the mismanagement of the department and it is getting to be too much.
I have been thinking of suicide a lot, as I tend to do, and it has only increased daily. I will probably go back on my medication so I can stop being such a drama queen.

Here's a piece I wrote on identity for my art class- all my writing has been terrible but I am somehow doing well:
Identity, like any abstract, has many different meanings and is taken differently by different people. I think it is a concept that is understood innately but is hard to express.

Identity is the concept of how a person perceives and relates their personal history to others. Identity is very closely tied to individuality. I think society can be very concerned with identity because people like to feel their existence creates an impact. However identity is not necessarily the characteristic of a single individual, it can be a characteristic or belief that a group identifies with as well. I think the adoption of a group identity is still used by the individual to manifest a sense of “individuality.” One can identify as “American,” “goth,” or “artist.”

People seek to “identify” things all the time: boundaries, friends, opportunities.

I think identity may be the most widely permeating concept behind art. I see art as an extension of identity, a reconciliation with identity, a battle with identity, an evaluation of identity and a revelation of identity. An artist does not necessarily need to create a portrait to have the content of their work reflect themselves. I do not believe that one can produce a piece of art without infusing their identity into the work. Nor without taking into consideration the identity of the subject matter.

In focusing on identity in the work of other artists I am hoping to learn more about my own identity and how I would like to convey my identity to others. A landscape can speak to the identity of the country and surrounding culture. The color choice, composition and size of brush stroke would give insight to the identity of the artist. I want to have a deeper sense of why the artists choose their subject matter, how they relay their interpretation of that subject matter, so that I can both gain a better appreciation of other artists and better understand what motivates me.

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