An Awkward Phase

I have been catching up on Last Week Tonight and I gotta say- I want John Oliver inside me.

I do. I really, really do.

I want that gangly very-British faced comedian all up in there. "Why?!" you ask. There's the accent, for one. I'm a sucker for an accent. Sure, it would be lovely to meet a buff black gentleman with an English accent in the way of Idris Elba- but I don't know much about Idris Elba's comedic timing. A myriad of unfortunate facial features, not that Oliver has them, could be excused with a good accent and smart comedy. I'm sure a lot of why I have tolerated Scott for so long is the fact that he can make me laugh. 

Idris Elba and 8 year relationships be damned, though if I could get a chance with John Oliver.

He has me considering working at the IRS!

The obvious comedy goldmine that would be a career at the IRS aside- this post is not really about John Oliver and my animalistic sexual attraction toward the man. It's about sexuality~

I have been watching a lot of porn lately- for no real reason, I don't masturbate, not that there is anything wrong with that, but I have been watching a lot of porn. As a girl and the daughter of immigrant Baby-Boomers I think I have been given a really skewed perspective on female sexuality. In some ways I find it odd that I would want to look at porn- women don't do that right? And dicks. Dicks are not fancy. There are very few fancy dicks and porn is sprinkled with the horror of uncircumcised penises as well and you can't control which ones pop up! Even if you switch to a new video you've still been subjected to a sad worm looking wang that you can never unsee. I'm not going to apologize for my views on penises, they're there for female pleasure and they should look nice. Women who don't get their sons circumcised hate other women- that's all I'm saying.

I digress- anyway, penises are not a good reason to watch porn in and of themselves because they all kind of look the same after a while. 

Then there's the nagging feeling that in watching porn I'm some how contributing to "rape culture" or exploitation of sex workers...but, in part, some of that feels like ideas that have been pushed on women to keep them from enjoying their own sexuality. As weird and voyeuristic as it might be. 

And so here are my confessions- I have been watching a lot of porn lately, it may have contributed to the myriad of thoughts I've had toward John Oliver, but there is nothing wrong with either of those things. Sadly, I think denying my sexuality up to this point has just led to a considerable number of terrible drunken one-night stands because it's been easier to tell myself being sexual is ok when shwasted. Those stories will make some great scenes, but being a woman who admits she watches porn I think is an interesting concept too.