Gold Rush
I think it might have rained.
There were pools of water on the road that I don't remember being there when I left.
I'm a firm believer that if you are going to do something you should commit to it. Subsequently, I do very little because I have real commitment issues. This is probably the extent of what I am willing to commit to, and that is probably not great. I've been wondering, based on the differences in views on several posts, if I title some things better than others, or if somehow the system is counting when someone accidentally clicks on the tab they left open with my half-read post up as a new view every time the person forgets to close it on their phone.
I can also commit to cats. Cats and blogging. Although, I really haven't ever committed to a theme to this, so I wonder if that really counts? I guess, if we had to attach a real theme in order to categorize it would probably be a slice of life blog about a girl unable to commit to her own sense of mental illness. Hopefully it will make a good case study some day.
I don't think my wavering flirtations with psychosis was meant for this age where identity is such a huge deal and there are so many ways in which to express it. Like, obviously the idea of being gender non-conforming or something other than heterosexual has existed for a really long time, but it kind of feels like queerness is having a moment. Like otherness is having a moment. Like whiteness is having to acquiesce to the idea that non-white stories make a lot of money and draw in big crowds because people want to identify as whatever colorful combination of words makes them happy and see other people who identify similarly instead of having to project themselves onto the experiences of straight cis white characters all the time. So now that mental illness is in the zeitgeist I have to keep trying to remember if I was like this before it was cool to be like this. Or maybe I've been developing on the fringes of the trend...so like, I'm that girl who was wearing plaid and knee high socks like days before Clueless came out so I just decided to buy all in, dye my hair blonde, change my name to Cher and start stalking Paul Rudd. It was probably going to happen anyway, but then it became popular and I was offered a lot of drugs, so it just got a little worse than maybe it needed to.
Which I feel is happening to a lot of media from when I was growing up, too. It makes perfect sense now that I think about it. Us older millennials are all either burnt out activists who are so stressed and poor, because we'll never recover from the recession, we're willing to blow a little bit of money on a nostalgia high, or are making babies we want to show things from our childhood because it was so much cooler than the weird Yo Gaba Gaba stuff that came after it. The problem is that FullHouse was never that good and neither is the new Death Cab for Cutie.
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So what am I doing now? Because that, up there, was written like, 3 days ago.
Now I'm at the point where I have watched all the good quality Contra videos and I'm testing out which ones I can stomach as she was still finding her voice. The quality has dramatically spiked in the last year, but it also seems like she's making them less often. I accept that it may now be taking a month to produce and edit with whatever else she has going on. I have also been fantasizing about her getting some kind of Netflix deal, but I think she's probably still actually pretty fringe. Like, I just have super liberal friends.
So I've kind of hit a slump in media consumption. This book I own has recently become a Netflix film, so I feel more obligated to finish it...Kikyo just died so I'm like, slightly less interest in Inuyasha now that the primary romantic conflict has been virtually eliminated. I'm realizing I have based my life on this lie that Sailor Moon is good just because I really enjoy the powers and different outfits. I read this listicle that made this think-piece point, because I'm like, hyper-millenial, that Tuxedo Mask is a really bad hero because Sailor Moon is kind of being subversive and made him the damsel in distress...but like, everyone is always in distress. The real heroes seem to be Luna and Artemis, and I guess in the sense that it clarifies the role of cats as the heroes watching Sailor Moon can be educational.
I think in renegotiating my perception of media that was released when I was younger I am trying to look for some idea of "where it all went wrong"- and I'm watching Contra and Uhhhhhhh with Trixie and Katya to get back on track...which probably just proves I've learned nothing from anything because all of it is problematic. (Hey! Title reference!)
I worked out for 45 minutes yesterday so I spent most of today sleeping. I have to catch up on school work tomorrow, but I'm super tired from all the sleeping.
Also- did you know, school clubs are not just about sucking away time that you don't really have because you need to study, and possibly have to financially support yourself? You also have to pay to be in them! Because so much about bettering yourself and life after high school is about making things that will help you prohibitively expensive. Time is so fucking expensive. So many things take time. Watching videos about social constructs and drag queens does not take time. I have tested this. No time is wasted at all. It's like a perpetual motion machine.
You know, I hadn't heard of those until my Management class last semester. So maybe it's all been worth it. $4,000 to make new somewhat humorous references to the way I'm wasting my life.
There were pools of water on the road that I don't remember being there when I left.
I'm a firm believer that if you are going to do something you should commit to it. Subsequently, I do very little because I have real commitment issues. This is probably the extent of what I am willing to commit to, and that is probably not great. I've been wondering, based on the differences in views on several posts, if I title some things better than others, or if somehow the system is counting when someone accidentally clicks on the tab they left open with my half-read post up as a new view every time the person forgets to close it on their phone.
I can also commit to cats. Cats and blogging. Although, I really haven't ever committed to a theme to this, so I wonder if that really counts? I guess, if we had to attach a real theme in order to categorize it would probably be a slice of life blog about a girl unable to commit to her own sense of mental illness. Hopefully it will make a good case study some day.
I don't think my wavering flirtations with psychosis was meant for this age where identity is such a huge deal and there are so many ways in which to express it. Like, obviously the idea of being gender non-conforming or something other than heterosexual has existed for a really long time, but it kind of feels like queerness is having a moment. Like otherness is having a moment. Like whiteness is having to acquiesce to the idea that non-white stories make a lot of money and draw in big crowds because people want to identify as whatever colorful combination of words makes them happy and see other people who identify similarly instead of having to project themselves onto the experiences of straight cis white characters all the time. So now that mental illness is in the zeitgeist I have to keep trying to remember if I was like this before it was cool to be like this. Or maybe I've been developing on the fringes of the trend...so like, I'm that girl who was wearing plaid and knee high socks like days before Clueless came out so I just decided to buy all in, dye my hair blonde, change my name to Cher and start stalking Paul Rudd. It was probably going to happen anyway, but then it became popular and I was offered a lot of drugs, so it just got a little worse than maybe it needed to.
Which I feel is happening to a lot of media from when I was growing up, too. It makes perfect sense now that I think about it. Us older millennials are all either burnt out activists who are so stressed and poor, because we'll never recover from the recession, we're willing to blow a little bit of money on a nostalgia high, or are making babies we want to show things from our childhood because it was so much cooler than the weird Yo Gaba Gaba stuff that came after it. The problem is that FullHouse was never that good and neither is the new Death Cab for Cutie.
---------------------------------------------------------
So what am I doing now? Because that, up there, was written like, 3 days ago.
Now I'm at the point where I have watched all the good quality Contra videos and I'm testing out which ones I can stomach as she was still finding her voice. The quality has dramatically spiked in the last year, but it also seems like she's making them less often. I accept that it may now be taking a month to produce and edit with whatever else she has going on. I have also been fantasizing about her getting some kind of Netflix deal, but I think she's probably still actually pretty fringe. Like, I just have super liberal friends.
So I've kind of hit a slump in media consumption. This book I own has recently become a Netflix film, so I feel more obligated to finish it...Kikyo just died so I'm like, slightly less interest in Inuyasha now that the primary romantic conflict has been virtually eliminated. I'm realizing I have based my life on this lie that Sailor Moon is good just because I really enjoy the powers and different outfits. I read this listicle that made this think-piece point, because I'm like, hyper-millenial, that Tuxedo Mask is a really bad hero because Sailor Moon is kind of being subversive and made him the damsel in distress...but like, everyone is always in distress. The real heroes seem to be Luna and Artemis, and I guess in the sense that it clarifies the role of cats as the heroes watching Sailor Moon can be educational.
I think in renegotiating my perception of media that was released when I was younger I am trying to look for some idea of "where it all went wrong"- and I'm watching Contra and Uhhhhhhh with Trixie and Katya to get back on track...which probably just proves I've learned nothing from anything because all of it is problematic. (Hey! Title reference!)
I worked out for 45 minutes yesterday so I spent most of today sleeping. I have to catch up on school work tomorrow, but I'm super tired from all the sleeping.
Also- did you know, school clubs are not just about sucking away time that you don't really have because you need to study, and possibly have to financially support yourself? You also have to pay to be in them! Because so much about bettering yourself and life after high school is about making things that will help you prohibitively expensive. Time is so fucking expensive. So many things take time. Watching videos about social constructs and drag queens does not take time. I have tested this. No time is wasted at all. It's like a perpetual motion machine.
You know, I hadn't heard of those until my Management class last semester. So maybe it's all been worth it. $4,000 to make new somewhat humorous references to the way I'm wasting my life.
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