New Year, New Intentions
I'm easing back into an acknowledgement of the pleasure of being single. This might fade by the time Valentines Day rolls around, but for now I burp with impunity and that is enough.
I have begun to divide my time in more productive ways. Relationships absorb a lot of time. Work, school and a relationship create a bad pattern of exhaustion. With the last miserable semester over I am carving out time to maintain and grow my familiarity with French. This has been supporting my very tenuous grasp on Spanish, and I intend to exploit this bridge so my Spanish speaking friends no longer feel they have to order for me at Mexican restaurants. And so I won't be so sheepish around the waitresses. It's not that I don't know enough Spanish to get along in that setting, it's really that I just have an atrocious Spanish accent. My French accent is much better- I blame it on my fat tongue and it's stubborn refusal to roll 'r's. French is a wispy language - it has to be because no one has the lung strength after years of smoking to communicate with the depth of Spanish.
It's also possible that I have been a self-hating Mexican for so long that it's rewired my brain against my heritage. I don't love Selena as much as I should. It's my greatest, previously secret, shame.
I am also setting aside time to read recreationally every day. I used to keep it strictly to the news and articles on prestige television and comedy, but I've been slowly branching out culturally over the last couple of years. Listening to NPR...watching art-house films with friends. I still try to keep plugged into mainstream media as well- but I have found that no matter what I do I do not seem to be picking the right media. No one is ever going to watch Hannibal. And I staunchly refuse to watch The Office (U.S.). Honestly, it's probably more of an issue of my lack of salesmanship. I am no longer the one to push my own agenda in conversation- which makes for very shallow conversation. I shrink at the inkling of a glazed expression and secede my stage to someone with stronger opinions. Someone who wants to talk about Real Housewives or chemtrails. White women talking about racial injustice and slightly older women shaking their heads over the prevalent promiscuity and lack of modesty that Instagram has wrought on society. I long for the days when there were fewer theories to subscribe to- the simplicity of being able to carry on polite conversation by conceding that the Earth is the center of the universe. I suppose I could be a flat-earther now, but it's not the same.
Beyond recreational reading I realize I have plenty of time to dedicate about a half hour to the books on film that I was kindly gifted and another half hour on studying for the LSATs. I perused one of the books I purchase for that purpose just after Thanksgiving and became painfully aware that while I am great at testing, I have never encountered this form of testing. I started with the logic games. It's possible I may find the other areas easier to wade through, but the logic games scared me off for a bit.
I have convinced myself to take the time out to jot down notes when the come to mind. This has spawned three unfinished short stories. I hope to complete them by the end of the month at least. One hopes I at least manage it by the end of my life.
The last thing I feel I need to incorporate into my very open schedule is working out. There's a part of me that misses running, though I don't allow myself enough sleep to carry through with it. I need to get back out there. I miss the water and the turtle stacks. I miss by body when I was young. And with nothing but the kitten to eat up my attention, I feel that I am quite close to giving into this new arrangement of well-roundedness.
The next semester starts soon and I am taking computer science and the other history credit I've been putting off. Computer science may wreck me, but I'm pretty confident history won't require enough attention to throw off these new endeavors.
And I'm still maintaining hours of time to watch the television shows I call my friends. This may be the best year yet- or perhaps another spectacular disaster I go into full of optimism. We'll see how things are trending when the semester starts.
I have begun to divide my time in more productive ways. Relationships absorb a lot of time. Work, school and a relationship create a bad pattern of exhaustion. With the last miserable semester over I am carving out time to maintain and grow my familiarity with French. This has been supporting my very tenuous grasp on Spanish, and I intend to exploit this bridge so my Spanish speaking friends no longer feel they have to order for me at Mexican restaurants. And so I won't be so sheepish around the waitresses. It's not that I don't know enough Spanish to get along in that setting, it's really that I just have an atrocious Spanish accent. My French accent is much better- I blame it on my fat tongue and it's stubborn refusal to roll 'r's. French is a wispy language - it has to be because no one has the lung strength after years of smoking to communicate with the depth of Spanish.
It's also possible that I have been a self-hating Mexican for so long that it's rewired my brain against my heritage. I don't love Selena as much as I should. It's my greatest, previously secret, shame.
I am also setting aside time to read recreationally every day. I used to keep it strictly to the news and articles on prestige television and comedy, but I've been slowly branching out culturally over the last couple of years. Listening to NPR...watching art-house films with friends. I still try to keep plugged into mainstream media as well- but I have found that no matter what I do I do not seem to be picking the right media. No one is ever going to watch Hannibal. And I staunchly refuse to watch The Office (U.S.). Honestly, it's probably more of an issue of my lack of salesmanship. I am no longer the one to push my own agenda in conversation- which makes for very shallow conversation. I shrink at the inkling of a glazed expression and secede my stage to someone with stronger opinions. Someone who wants to talk about Real Housewives or chemtrails. White women talking about racial injustice and slightly older women shaking their heads over the prevalent promiscuity and lack of modesty that Instagram has wrought on society. I long for the days when there were fewer theories to subscribe to- the simplicity of being able to carry on polite conversation by conceding that the Earth is the center of the universe. I suppose I could be a flat-earther now, but it's not the same.
Beyond recreational reading I realize I have plenty of time to dedicate about a half hour to the books on film that I was kindly gifted and another half hour on studying for the LSATs. I perused one of the books I purchase for that purpose just after Thanksgiving and became painfully aware that while I am great at testing, I have never encountered this form of testing. I started with the logic games. It's possible I may find the other areas easier to wade through, but the logic games scared me off for a bit.
I have convinced myself to take the time out to jot down notes when the come to mind. This has spawned three unfinished short stories. I hope to complete them by the end of the month at least. One hopes I at least manage it by the end of my life.
The last thing I feel I need to incorporate into my very open schedule is working out. There's a part of me that misses running, though I don't allow myself enough sleep to carry through with it. I need to get back out there. I miss the water and the turtle stacks. I miss by body when I was young. And with nothing but the kitten to eat up my attention, I feel that I am quite close to giving into this new arrangement of well-roundedness.
The next semester starts soon and I am taking computer science and the other history credit I've been putting off. Computer science may wreck me, but I'm pretty confident history won't require enough attention to throw off these new endeavors.
And I'm still maintaining hours of time to watch the television shows I call my friends. This may be the best year yet- or perhaps another spectacular disaster I go into full of optimism. We'll see how things are trending when the semester starts.
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