Will They Won't They

When I was younger, all the shows and movies seemed to be about how things would work out. People got their dream jobs. Guys got their dream girls and sassy hags found someone who could bring them down to earth. You lived in a nice house or a great big apartment in the sky. Everyone had a tight knit circle of friends. F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

Now all the shows are about people you thought were going to end up together splitting up. If you haven't watched it You're The Worst has this amazing sub-plot about a veteran dealing with PTSD.

I got two As and a B last semester. And really bad panic attacks.

I spent last weekend in Galveston with the daughter of the love of my life so far. It was fun. She had a blast even though there was much too much time in the car. She was a good sport about everything. We never found an inner tube for the lazy river and I was too scared to go on the water slides. She did. She ran into waves. She rushed across incredibly hot sand. I got her tiny ice cream balls. The next day we went to the Children's Museum and she didn't focus on anything. I don't know if museums are really her deal, but she tries.

I'm trying to decide what it means to have had a love of my life so far. What does it mean that this person was not enough? What does it mean that he wasn't even who I thought he was as not enough? What does it mean that I am not enough?

Are we a 90s to early 00s sitcom about a couple who will eventually grow toward each other completely like they were always meant to? Or a modern sitcom where no one really knows what will happen and things might be cancelled before the two people you wanted to get together do.

I can't be bipolar forever.

I can't be filled with anxiety, hate and spite forever. I can't. I know that's how it works, but not everything works out the way it's supposed to. I can't be bipolar forever.

I think I might be pregnant. I know the moment I publish this I will get my period. I am afraid to drink too much this weekend.

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