It's Been Literally Forever in Blog Years: Some More Honesty

It has been a while, blog.
I've considered starting a website.
I have a facebook page for my designs which is a step in a direction I suppose...
Many theoretical posts and inner monologues have passed.
Many rants.
Many entertainment blog articles gone comment-less.
Time moves on and past my fleeting romances with my own creativity.

But I have seen one too many gif compilations of Nicki Minaj, and recently came down with bronchitis, which means now is the time. It also helps that I am about half way through my first semester back at school, approaching my first mid-term and running low on Hulu programs I honestly want to watch enough to prevent myself from studying.

That run-on alone should make me reconsider my stance on procrastination toward this exam.

Honestly, though, I had a thought I really wanted to share.
It occurred to me that I have had my share of bizarre self-inflicted early-twenty-something struggles but proudly holding an A (which I do not deserve) in the courses I am completing so far I am probably at the climax of my arc. A four to five year long climax that will descend into a realization toward my mid-thirties that happiness was always too abstract but at the very least I can close out in some security. A four to five year long climax. The big twist everyone goes through that is made no less daunting by the knowledge of a shared struggle. Statistically, apparently, the majority of career growth occurs between 25-35 so this was bound to happen, but I was hoping to be less aware of it.

I just had a LEEP procedure to clear up some pre-cancerous cells (side-note: have your daughters get the HPV vaccine, vaccines are not a scam) and I am doing quite well at dipping my toes back into "higher education", as I work at a job that I don't hate but really don't like, to support getting a degree in something I enjoy but am not passionate about, while I do the things I am passionate about on the side, and despise the things I dare to create. I have to have some dental work done because I need to repair the years of disrepair I have allowed my self-loathing to inflict on my physical being, but despite my best efforts people like me, and support me, and I am doing well. I have also recently caught bronchitis, which is the very first illness I have gotten in my adult life, which is amazing because of the previously mentioned poor self care I allow.

I have skated along my ups and downs and this plateau of insanity is surely the climax of my story. And I want to find a way to put it off. Or float past.


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