It's Been Literally Forever in Blog Years: Some More Honesty

It has been a while, blog.
I've considered starting a website.
I have a facebook page for my designs which is a step in a direction I suppose...
Many theoretical posts and inner monologues have passed.
Many rants.
Many entertainment blog reads gone commentless.
Time moves on and past my fleeting romances with my own creativity.

But I have seen one too many gif compilations of Nicki Minaj and recently came down with bronchitis which means now is the time. It also helps that I am about half way through my first semester back at school, approaching my first mid-term in a considerable amount of time and running low on hulu programs I honestly want to watch enough to prevent myself from studying.

That run-on alone should make me reconsider my stance on procrastination toward this exam.

Honestly, though, I had a thought I really wanted to share.
It occurred to me that I have had my share of bizarre self-inflicted early twenty something struggles but proudly holding an A (which I do not deserve) in the courses I am completing so far I am probably at the climax of my arc. A four to five year long climax that will descend into a realization toward my mid-thirties that happiness was always too abstract but at the very least I can close out in some security. A four to five year long climax. The big twist everyone goes through that is made no less daunting by the knowledge of a shared struggle. Statistically, apparently, the majority of career growth occurs between 25-35 so this was bound to happen but I was hoping to be less aware of it.

I just had a LEEP procedure to clear up some pre-cancerous cells (side-note: have your daughters get the HPV vaccine, vaccines are not a scam) I am doing quite well at dipping my toes back into "higher education" as I work at a job that I don't hate but really don't like to support getting a degree in something I enjoy but am not passionate about while I do the things I am passionate about on the side and despise the things I dare to create. I have to have some dental work done because I need to repair the years of disrepair I have allowed my self-loathing inflict on my physical being but despite my best efforts people like me and support me and I am doing well. I have also recently caught bronchitis which is the very first illness I have gotten in my adult life which is amazing because of the previously mentioned poor self care I allow.

I have skated along my ups and downs and this plateau of insanity is surely the climax of my story. And I want to find a way to put it off. Or float past.


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