I want to function better

 I cry, all the time. In the middle of the night when no one is awake to see is the best time. I hate crying in front of Collin.

I cry, and I try to think of something else to do but there's nothing that cuts through the exhaustion. I just want to be ok. I just want to be able to do my school work without running out of steam. It's pretty outside and I want to go outside and run...but the call to just lie down is so much stronger. I don't even sleep. I just lie in bed thinking of almost nothing.

I saw my psychiatrist today. A new one. She's nice. She seems bright and has good energy. She thanked me for sharing. She really seemed to want to work with me. I just want things to be fixed. I just want to stop being overwhelmed when other people seem to be powering through so well. I want to get back to my writing. And painting. I want to get away from the constant pain and lethargy.

I can barely work.

I can barely make up the energy to see the few people I'm allowed to see. The people in my pod. The people we're all putting at risk because this is just getting to be too much.

The president finally got Covid and nothing will come of it.

Something should. 200,000 people have died. Something should come of this.

I just want to sleep.