Licking Your Wounds: A Guide

Get wine. Probably.

Maybe find a drug connection.

Cut all your hair. Dye it. Spend money. Everything should be addressed with the same poor coping mechanisms one tries to manage a break-up through.

Eat a lot.

Go on a sexual adventure.

Watch a lot of food competitions and British dramas. Black Earth Rising was good, although it was written by a white guy. Collateral was also good, also probably written by a white guy- kind of gives the veneer of a deep look at immigration and race politics because everything with an English accent carries more weight.

Why am I licking my wounds?

Here's what's gone wrong:
I think I should admit what will inevitably be asked of me by the doctors; I have been off my medications for at least 7 months. The dishes are never completely done. These may not be related. My financial aid did not completely come through. I keep procrastinating on things hoping the problem will work itself out and it doesn't. The things I try to avoid seem to compound on themselves. I'm tired all the time. I am behind on my homework. I don't spend enough time in either office to feel competent at either job. I didn't get into the Movement Mujeres fellowship.

Here's what's going right:
I made the Dean's List last semester. I've done a pretty good job this week of maintaining a skincare regimen. I am working out more (although not as much as I planned.) I finally got my financial aid, so I finally got to pay back somethings and rent my Statistics book. I was informed by all of my bosses that I am doing a good job. I believe one of them. It's the immigration office, so that's even better. I joined a student organization, and will possibly join a second. (They're expensive investments at $45 a piece, but maybe I'll earn scholarships.) I have been spending more quality time with my sister. She convinced me that the raccoons in the attic are not secretly a person. I filed my tax return.

I don't feel productive.

I didn't think I would get the fellowship...but it still hurts.

I started looking at scholarships. Looking. Not applying. Looking is helpful. The farthest act of engagement. If I look hard enough. Maybe. They'll just know.

And this is something I realized, again, is a problem. Not just for myself. But everyone. Information is not as accessible as it could be. Nor resources. This is probably not an efficient system. I would love to change that. I would love to be able to make things way easier for everyone coming up behind me...

I don't know how.

I wonder if I ever will.

That was my platform for the little fellowship, and remains my platform for the 3030 election.

I'm just trying not to be this anymore.

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