Character Development

Our heroine will be reverting back to the position she was in at the start of the series. This will most likely be a huge annoyance for viewers but our producers assure us that this move, while drastic, is entirely necessary.

It seems that up until now she had not really made any progress as a person and this probably explains the annual purge of viewers since the show's conception. The staff writers apologize for the amount of time that has been wasted on various ideas of where we wanted her to end up that have been completely fruitless.

Long story short- I'm going to be alone.

I came to Austin to go to college, with the understanding that I would marry the person I was obsessed with at the time, trying to make friends and forced to work because I couldn't get enough financial aid. This first season ended with a big break-up in which we were not able to continue being friends (the cheating was somewhat telegraphed but at the time I felt it was better to play the part as oblivious and love-starved, in retrospect there were smarter directions to go with the character.) Shortly after, perhaps encouraged by the break-up, I lost all other support systems and I tried to throw myself into work in a job I wasn't suited for, giving up on school completely.

Now, several years and a long-term relationship later, I find myself at the face of another break-up in which we are likely to separate completely. I think this hurts more than anything else because I thought at the very least we could continue to be best friends. I am insufferable and physically messy, though, so the urge to be away from me is understandable.

So now I inventory my life- the things that were pretty deeply interwoven with another person's existence because I assumed that I scream and cry my way into another person's heart. I don't know why that seemed like a good idea. I don't know why I can't deal with the fact that my mother will never be satisfied by who I am. These things probably seem unrelated but I just wanted to be accepted completely, like Bridget Jones, but I guess in her case she wasn't really trying to win Mr. Darcy or anyone else over, really. I so relate to feeling like a complete idiot all the time, and wanting to adopt a British accent, that it seems like the best analogy to why I am driven to do some of the things I do or what I am aiming for- something completely unrealistic. The first unrealistic love-story was of the "high school sweet-hearts" variety and now I am at the end of a separate struggle realizing I was aiming for the same conclusion that will never happen. I still own very few things.

I bought a very nice cookware set over the holidays and my own dishes. I will probably not keep the bed and all the entertainment things, nor the couch- so I will need furniture. I'm probably worse off as a writer and artist but I do have a tiny almost wholly unearned writing credit on a pilot that may never move forward, so that's one notch up I guess. I will have to separate all the bills and continue sending money for the car, because this significant other also didn't quite see that this was obviously not going to last and tried to be as amazing as possible in a way that will surely just make every drive 5 months from now a battle against the urge to die in a fiery crash, because all my friends are getting married, my mother has a lump she refuses to get checked, I couldn't appease her anyway, and now I am caught back at school with absolutely no clue as to why I am doing anything at all.

If only it were acceptable to take your pets to holiday parties as your humanization and banter buddy.

"Oh yes, Isis, you're quite right- I totally agree- the US cannot continue to take such a hard stance on terrorist acts on foreign soil and then be almost permissive of domestic terrorism by persecuting the wrong demographics and being so laissez-faire about gun control."


"No, no, we definitely need to restructure our criminal justice system- you're a black cat, how can this not be a concern for you?!"

I suppose at least these are better memories and was a better relationship but the fall-out is so daunting I don't think I will ever allow myself to become so involved with another human being ever again.

And so we reset our heroine on another path with no end.


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